Thursday, March 14, 2013

A love/hate relationship

You know, I was thinking about the time I yelled at my man-friend the most. I was so mad. No, he didn't cheat on me. He didn't cancel a romantic date to watch basketball. He ate my leftover Pad Thai. And I want to bet no one had ever yelled at him the way I did that day.

Today, I wanted to scream. Not at him, not at anyone. I just had a tough day at work. I've been keeping this a secret for a few days now and it was killing me. I have not been myself lately, but it's over now. Unfortunately, some people lost their jobs today and it's been horrible to know. But at this moment I feel relief. Downsizing sucks but things will just get better now.

What does the Pad Thai have to do with anything? Well, let me explain... And this may be a weird analogy, but it's weirder that you (yes, you random reader) try to get into the ins and outs of my brain. I told my man today: remember when I yelled at you for eating my Pad Thai? Yes, he said. Well, it's because I care (I could see the "huh?!?" in his face). I didn't care THAT much about the Pad Thai, but I care when he doesn't care. The more I love him, the more I hate that he eats my Pad Thai (or any of my leftovers for that matter). You see, if a random person eats my Pad Thai, I wouldn't be pleased, but I'd let go of it, because in the end, I don't know this person... I don't care that much.

The company I work for has been growing strong since I started working there almost 3 year ago. We went from 5 people to 10, to 25 and to 40. Only to go back to 30, 27 and now 22. I am stressed and sad. And I realize I care. The more I care, the more stressed I am and the more sad I am. And it's ok to be sad. But just one day. Tomorrow will be another day and I'll work hard to start moving in the opposite direction. It's time to start heading uphill again.

All in all... After days like today, I'm just happy I have someone to come home to. Someone that will most likely steal a bite or two from my dinner plate tonight. But tonight is different. Tonight I may just surprise him with a big smile while he eats my food. Yep, I am loved.

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